Vampire Jr: The Story Safe for Kids

The moment the new student walked in the door, Samantha knew that he was a vampire. She wasn’t really sure why. All the hints were subtle… but he was just so sparkly and so beautiful. His name said he had to be human, or at least a werewolf, but somehow… somehow Samantha knew.

Mz. Smithy introduced the new student. “Before we start, class, I’m going to introduce you to our new student.” That was when he walked in. He was six foot one, the most handsome height, had a jaw line so sharp you shave with it, and sparkled so intensely, half the class shielded their eyes from the drama of it. “This, class, is Sparkles Vampire. He’s just moved here from Transylvania, and he’s really excited to meet you all. Would you like to tell us something about yourself, Sparkles?”

The tall, sparkling boy stepped forward. “I’d just like you all to know, I’m really super totally not a vampire, and I also really like blood. Not to drink or anything, just because it’s scientifically interesting.”

“Thank you, Sparkles. I’m sure we all can’t wait to get to know you better,” said Mz. Smithy. Thunder and lightning cracked and boomed outside the window at that, which was weird, because it wasn’t raining even a little bit.

Yes, all the hints told her that Sparkles Vampire wasn’t a vampire and yet… somehow… somehow Samantha knew. Sparkles took a seat next to Samantha, and she nearly fell over from the shock of how sparkly he was. Luckily, he had a long black cape covering most of his body, but his face was sparkling in the fluorescent classroom lights.

“Hey, what’s your name?” asked Sparkles in a thick accent.

“Uh, Samantha,” said Samantha, biting her lips at how handsome and misunderstood Sparkles was.

“Nice to meet you, Samantha. I’m Sparkles.”

“Are you a vampire?” asked Samantha.

Sparkles looked surprised before he responded in an extra hushed tone, “How did you know? People don’t usually figure it out.”

“I must be super special,” said Samantha, and she knew it was true.

“You must be. I just want you to know, Samantha, that I will totally never hurt you. I may be a vampire, but I’m actually vegan. I only drink tofu blood.”

“They make that?” asked Samantha.

“Yeah, but you can only find it in artisanal vampire health food stores in Brooklyn.”

“Wow,” said Samantha.

When class let out, Samantha brought her lunch outside in the shade of a tree to eat. She didn’t really like anyone at school. She was too cool and special for that. She was eating a tempeh and soy mayonnaise veggie burger of only the finest quality ingredients. Sparkles wandered out to join her after a few minutes. In the sun, as he walked, he sparkled and refracted so much light, he was practically a disco ball. With every step, the Bee Gees “Stayin’ Alive” echoed from nowhere in particular.

Sparkles. sat down beside Samantha and let out a cool, angsty sigh. “Life’s hard for vampires,” he said, drinking a whitish liquid from a mason jar labelled, “veggie blood”.

“I thought vampires burned up in the sun,” said Samantha.

“That wouldn’t even make sense. How could we blend in or survive if we couldn’t even handle sunlight? No, we just get pretty bad sunburns. I have organic sunscreen on at all times.”

“Wow,” said Samantha. She was so impressed by his healthy and clean living.

It was then that, for no reason other than a lack of interesting things happening, he attacked. He bit her thumb and sucked out a little drop of blood before bursting into tears, running away, and screaming, “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, the story needed more drama!”

And then Samantha fell into a deep depression for many months. It was only when Sparkles came back and said he was sorry again that she came out of it and realized that she was actually a vampire too, and that’s why she also lived so healthy and clean and was a vegan. She started wearing a black cape and lived happily ever after with Sparkles Vampire Jr. (His father was Sparkles Vampire Senior). Eventually she got married and they joined names. So she became Samantha Bitespeople-Vampire. The end.

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