Not the feelings woeful, dreary
Nor the monster I feel clearly
Break that truth that I hold dearly
Meaning is as meaning is
Wake up in a state downturned
I lie in wait for feelings churned
To settle while my stomach burns
Panic is as panic is
While I feel that nothing means
The thing that others see it seems
Regardless I in good times beam
Happy is as happy is
Settle down at home, it’s dark
While thoughts of nothing hit their mark
Sometimes, briefly, there’s life, a spark
Depression is as depression is
But in these states, I accept the fate
That’s given to me, no thought or query
Except when happy is that place, happy’s an untrustworthy face
I anticipate the fate of the state
That my mind has so stupidly gave
I doubt that happy can ever stay, because my fate to be in a sad state, is foretold by the bait that is my need to anticipate
You see feelings don’t just come and go without meaning or reason
They come and go, because we ask them to our ball
And that’s not because we don’t have the balls to ask them to leave at midnight
It’s because we trick ourselves, when in a passionate state, to think that is simply our fate
There will never again be a reason to feel joy
There won’t ever be a chance to kiss all the pretty boys
We delude ourselves into a place of worry
Is this right?
Is this wrong?
Will it be right or wrong?
It doesn’t matter, whatever it is, is
Whatever it is won’t change because you wonder about it, but we have to wonder all the same
The trap of thinking that if you are thinking hard enough about something happening, it will somehow not happen
But like looking the wrong way while riding a bike, feelings have a tendency to follow your lead
What you need to do is nothing.
What you want to do, that’s what matters
No one wants to be depressed or anxious. No one wants panic attacks or suicidal thoughts.
People want love. Acceptance. They might want money or power or sex. And, hey, all of those could be fun too.
But none of them involve the step of deluding yourself into thinking that nothing really matters
After all, if Freddy Mercury thought that, he wouldn’t have needed to tell anyone not to stop him.
I’d like this to have a smooth wrap up, like I’ve got the answers, but willpower alone doesn’t cut it.
Sometimes you really do need drugs.
And I’m no psychiatrist
I’m just a dude that sometimes gets pissed
When the only state of being I can possess myself to feel
Is the same as a fourteen year old for the first time asking “Is this even really real?”
So, no, I don’t have any wisdom, but I had a good day
The happiness it brought in may quickly go away
But at least it proved to me, that depression, too, is never here to stay